* mamaw, werewolves, fat albert & the zebra

Posted on January 4th, 2009 by melinda in my not so normal family

Today we had Sunday lunch with my Dad’s side of the family. We ate lots of good food & had a really good time visiting. I told them all about my new blog and the response was overwhelmingly … what’s a blog? well what do you write about? … my response was, go online & check it out and I am gonna write about my crazy family. I think they are still trying to decide if I was serious or not. So anyway, after lunch, my Uncle puts in an old vcr tape of a Christmas play the kids in my family did way back in the day. Oh how sad the fashion was in the mid 90’s. As we are watching  I cannot help but think about my Mamaw Bentley. If any of my family is reading, this may be where you want to make your escape.

My Mamaw had to have been the funniest person to have ever lived who never once realized she was funny. She had an even dozen grandchildren & was happiest when we were all around. The majority of us lived within a mile of her house. I can think of two words to describe her best, matriarchal & hardworking. She was absolutely in charge, no questions asked.  But in the midst of her “guiding” all of us she said and did some super funny stuff.  A couple of those I have included below and hope to write more about her in upcoming post. A couple things to keep in mind about Mamaw’s house rules … you always took a bath before going to bed even if you had one 5 minutes before arriving at her house, you went to bed at sunset no matter the time, you can never feed anyone too much food & “y’all come back” was the last thing she said every time you left her house like you might forget to come back.

A few Mamawism’s

Mamaw’s version of a bedtime story: “Melinda, get your butt to bed and go to sleep or the werewolves in the barn are going to come up here and eat you” … I am 40 years old and to this day have never been in that  barn just in case there are werewolves in there waiting to devour unsuspecting nonsleeping prey.

Mamaw’s reasoning for my being overweight: “Melinda, I do not know why you are dieting, God is punishing  you by making you fat because  you called me “fat albert” when you were little”… I don’t diet anymore, sounded like good logic to me.

Mamaw’s Zebra: “Melinda, go out there to the zebra and bring me the flowers that are in it” … My response: “Mamaw, it’s not a zebra, its a gazebo” Her response: “It’s my blankity blank blank zebra and I will call it whatever I want to call it, now go get those flowers like I told you” … the zebra now lives in my aunt’s backyard.

My husband says “you are going to grow up to be just like your mamaw” I sure hope so … for my sake & his!


11 Comments on “* mamaw, werewolves, fat albert & the zebra”

  1. Amy

    OH . . .MY . . .GOSH !! This is the funniest stuff I have ever read!! I can’t believe you got a blog for Christmas – but at least now I don’t have to get a horse to keep in touch. Love the Mamawisms – I loved her, even if she did kinda scare the poop out of me! (& I didn’t even know about the werewolves)
    LUV YA
    And, oh yeah, wash those undies!

  2. Heather Sharpe

    Seriously I just blew coke and and an almond from my salad out of my nose just now!!! I soooo didn’t know about the werewolves. I was good til then, cause I had heard all the other ones. So freakin funny!! It is no wonder you liked the Twilight series! Jacob rules! (and he lives in your barn! haha)

  3. melinda

    OMG Heather, I am going to the barn right now if Jacob lives there! Maybe reading the blog and eating or drinkinking could be hazordous to your health? And No Amy, I guess you do not have to get a horse now although you on a horse was much better than me on a horse, at least you rode further than 5 feet, yet I am sure the horse was eternally grateful I only rode 5 feet … (yea yea y’all go ahead and laugh about the vision you just had of me on a horse, take all the time you need, I’ll wait patiently while you regain your composure and try to think of something nice to say)!

  4. robin foster

    Finally!!!A funny blog. Many laughs and a few
    tears came as I was reading along. So sorry I missed lunch, because I know what I missed. And speak for yourself, I liked many of my 90’s
    outfits. I will visit your blog often. I did not realize you called Mamaw Fat Albert. No wonder she was always yelling at you!!!and it would be an honor to be like her, but I think you know you are funny. Now I can laugh with you. Started Twilight last night. Lovin’ you

  5. melinda

    my dearest Robin, first of all, I am so glad you left a comment. I miss you very much. I hope you, Patrick and the girls are well. Kate & Olivia’s christmas picture is beautiful & is hanging on my fridge (so I see it often). And, let me just point out that Mamaw yelled at ME all the time because YOU and your sisters lied!!! I called Mamaw fat albert because I was angry & didn’t want to go to bed, she, however, did not forget. Speaking of Twilight, you will love it. I’ve read all 4 books. Let me know how you like it. love you!

  6. robin foster

    LIE!!! we did not lie.HEHEHE Patrick comes home Thursday. 11 days is just to long to be away from the family. Missing you. Off to bed
    for more Twilight. xxoo

  7. melinda

    Hey Robin, we’ve gone country wide with post, we have post from IL,TX,Mass.& TN that I can think of. How bout buzz Patrick up & tell him to text into the blog so we can be international from where ever he is at the moment, just teasing. Enjoy your evening reading Twilight, love you and miss you. Hope he gets home safely and soon. Btw, my mother in law is also reading Twilight now. And informed me earlier that she thinks she may hate me for getting her hooked on those books. I’m sure she really loves me dearly and will soon be begging for the third one.

  8. Harrison

    OMG! Jacob’s in your barn??? I get off work at 5pm today….

  9. Tonya

    WOW! Your blog has made my day!! This is funny stuff. I must say this is my first blog I’ve ever read – but it has to rank pretty high on the best blog meter. Yes- I’m one of those people who doesn’t know about the world of my space, blogs, or facebook….I do well to use my email,cellphone and ipod. I don’t feel that bad about it- because some of you that actually know how to do only do because your children found it necessary to keep you in current times (see my dogs, cat and most recently – horse (and Amy you are welcome to share my horse “Di” )don’t find it so important)- so there thats my excuse and I’m sticking to it! For those of you who don’t know me I promise I’m not a crazy person with 12 cats – just an animal lover!! Keep blogging girl!!

  10. Melinda

    no, Tonya isn’t a crazy cat person, she’s just crazy without an excuse … but I sure do love her! However, her dog, Chester, is a little on the insane side.

  11. Amy Barnes

    Tonya – I’m so glad you just recently got a horse! I can’t wait to get back into the saddle myself. Me, You and Anna-Banana will definitely have to go riding A LOT!! I only have 12 weeks left and I’m counting down. I’m so excited to see my lil’ precious girl and to get to ride my horse!

    Love, Amy

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