Welcome to our 3rd edition of “Freaky Friday”. This week, I have begged, bribed & guilted nicely asked my very good friend Tony to switch places with me and be our “guest blogger”. At this point, I’m just pretty much holding my breath and hoping he doesn’t say anything to get me kicked out of the blog universe, church, work or my family. Keep your little peep fingers crossed & maybe it will all be ok, or maybe not, you just never know!

And now without further ado … Abbra Kadabbra Ala Kazaam … poof

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So… my very dear friend Melinda has a new toy…a blog… I don’t normally read blogs as on occasion I have a life. But due to the fact she is soooooo important to me I have read hers and yes even posted a comment. I might even look at more than I tell her. Now if you read this blog you know that Fridays she has a “guest blogger” lord I just realized I’m a blogger..next thing you know I’ll have a Facebook page and be twittering, holy 21st century batman we ain’t in Kansas anymore. She said I could not 1. Cuss 2. Talk about sex, politics, religion, or any thing else overly controversial 3. Or use this as a dating site.

So this really limits what I have to talk about since my favorite things to discuss are all covered in the things I can’t discuss. So I could tell you that I am a single parent of three great, wonderful, super-Dee-duper (how about the Barney reference) kids. I could tell you about my job. I could tell you my doctor just told me that I was the picture of health (got my plug in for ya doc) I could tell you that being bald is preferable to having hair because it’s less trouble. I could tell you that I love Melinda and that she is a great great friend. But alas, let us be real what does any of that mean to most of you…nothing..nada…zero…zilch…etc…etc.

What I think I will discuss is women, yep that’s the thing women. This is good for all of us readers. If you are a man I’m not giving you any earth shattering information because you already know all the things I am going to say. For the female readers this could have more impact on you as I may make you aware of some fact here unto unknown to you. Women are crazy, yes, yes I know it’s difficult to comprehend ladies, but your nuts. I have had substantial time in the field studying the female of the species and will publish my findings (this blog is not big enough for them all, oh no way). Then I will receive my NOBEL prize. I have studied many different types, thin, thick, ok ok overly thick, light skin, dark skin, blonde hair, brown hair, red hair, black hair, light eyes, dark eyes, younger woman, older women, single, married (but of course separated) divorced…well you get the picture. You say this is what I want in a man. To talk to me, respect me, treat me as an equal, be romantic, care about my feelings, blah, blah, blah, blah….right ladies. Then some of us who have studied the female creature do these things. Put your feelings ahead of our male instincts. Like missing football if you want to go take a walk, A WALK……… REALLY A WALK NOW? OK FOR YOU I WILL not going to strip (I mean gentleman’s) club (can I get a shout out for ya Raven and Diamond working through college such fine young ladies future leaders of our country) oh sorry I digress. How about a man who will write a poem or 12 for you and they actually don’t all suck, paint a smooth stone with some Chinese symbol for love (lord knows what it really means), what about a guy who will make you a message in a bottle, with seashells and candle wax, sends you good morning texts in a foreign language because you are so special (my God I am about to vomit…again) oh sorry getting to specific. Did my hostility show? A guy who will go to any girl movie you want, cook you dinner and then clean up? But never become to femininfide in the process, yes ladies he is still a MAN I mean MAN you feel me player, oh I know you do. Any way you get the point. Is this the guy the superman who gets the girl…nope…not happening…she wants the guys who can’t keep a job, is never considerate of her feelings, can’t be romantic even on Valentines day, drinks to much beer, and forgets to change underwear etc, etc, etc. See your all so crazy you don’t know what you want, and it’s not like will I have a Coke or Pepsi ummmm what will it be they are so similar….no its like Coke or a bottle of paint thinner…and you pick the paint thinner. Oh he’s a bad boy but he’ll change for me, because he loves me…..guess again Mary Jane he don’t love you, he just loves too. (If you didn’t understand the last humorous comment go ask someone smarter) I’m not sure if it’s the fumes from your nail polish and hairspray, if it’s to much Oprah, to much chatting at the female only gyms (and we do know why you go there) I just can’t find the real cause of your mass confusion so my research goes on. This of course does not include the ladies who do it for the dollars. Oh yes oh yes ladies I see you out at the stores and restaurants looking so good with your fake%^&* and the #$^% and even the $%^^* out with some guy who could be your daddy, your overweight, comb over hairdo daddy. You giggling and smiling, all the time seeing dollar signs. At least streetwalkers don’t pretend to be something their not. All of you who do it for the money should be ashamed, can I get an amen, come on now I call like I see it, and I have seen you. If you are from this area take a summertime trip to Brikdale Village there you will find many such “ladies” frolicking to and fro, bouncing and I mean bouncing to their yoga classes and aroma therapy appointments. Please feel free to go check it out yourself. As for you men in these relationship your idiots, but more on that another time. Ok kiddies my times about up, but next time we may discuss crazy women who seemed normal in the beginning only to become insane stalkers at the stroke of midnight. And my upcoming book the “Users guide to married women” So ladies although I have much more wisdom to impart my time in the blog sphere has come to an end. Sphere I like that word sphere. Wow I sound like Captain Picard (we have the same hairdo you know). So to all you readers I hope you have a gumdrop, and rainbow happy happy day..bye….. for now.
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And now … Abbra Kadabbra Ala Kazaam … poof

I’m back! Oh my gosh! Should I just delete the blog now or wait for some crazy woman to delete it for me? Actually, I am laughing really hard, he and I have had this discussion many a time. I must point out that although he would disagree with me, I for one, am not crazy! Either he is one of the funniest people I know or … he is the angriest little troll man that I know. After a good 10 years of friendship, you might think I would’ve figured out which one it is but I haven’t. Richard says “Tony’s Crazedar doesn’t work right”. Maybe he’s done so much research it is broken or worn out, either is possible. So go ahead peeps, have at him, tear him apart, tell him we aren’t crazy, that he is a wee shallow man pump up his ego and leave him some lovin’ for being man enough to do “Freaky Friday” this week. By the way, he really is single, he really is an awesome dad & he really does have a good job, he is one of my best friends, and I appreciate & love him very much … so, all you single ladies, get at it girls!

me. & Tony