* “Freaky Friday” he’s back …

Posted on March 27th, 2009 by melinda in "Freaky Friday"

Welp my friends, I am sorry to say my recent illness has apparantly caused me to misplace my ever lovin’ mind. It’s gone, no where to be found. Why have you lost your mind this time melinda? Is that what you’re wondering right about now? You are about to find out. I have been slack in our “Freaky Friday” (im)posters for the last several weeks, which I choose to blame on y’all since no one has stepped up to the plate for their turn at bat, not because I am just sorry and didn’t ask anyone to do it. So this week, I have once again turned the proverbial reins over to my favorite little troll dear friend Tony. It’s a risk at best and a disaster at worse … but I gotta take a walk on the wild side once in a blue moon (besides I can clearly not be blamed for his insanity). So without further ado … please welcome back the chief troll himself … Tony!

(poof)

tjones

Hello kiddies, like General Douglas Macarthur returning to the Philippines I have returned to cyberspace. Once again I am vexed as to what to write about, but I will tell you a secret. Now don’t tell her, but your wondrous blog master Melinda is ………. Addicted to blogging shhhhhhhhhhh. Don’t say anything she may be listening. As before I am forbidden from discussing two of my favorite subject’s politics and religion. I thought about just some random observations I have made while people watching but, one observation continuously comes to the forefront of my heavily burdened mind. Big girls who dress like super models. Now before I get a bunch of “hate posts” let me say I got nothing but love for the big girls! I like something to hold on to, but baby you got to dress right.

Just a few days ago I was in a local store and for a minute I thought I had walked into a 7th grade science fair. I saw what looked like a large scale model of the planet Saturn and it was moving……It looked like Jimmy Neutron boy genius had been at work. Then I realized sadly it was a large (and by large I mean fat) (by fat I mean really fat) young lady who because her shirt had a bright purple stripe at the bottom I mistook it for the rings of Saturn. Don’t be mad at me it was an innocent mistake.

Anytime I take my kids out to eat, they always want to go to a buffet. The reason for this is when they were younger we were very poor as opposed to just moderately poor now. Since they never knew where the next meal was coming from, they tried to stock up. The tradition has continued. If you want to see some large wardrobe challenged people, the buffet is the place to go. During our last trip there was a lady wearing what looked like a purple velvet painting of Elvis’ exercise suit (which had never, never been used for that purpose) as she piled the mountain of food on her plate I realized that she must not have any mirrors in her house because there is no way she could have thought that looked good.

In doing my research for this post I went to a local store and did a survey with my trusted lab assistant Willy. We did a count of those dressed ummm shall we say not appropriate to their weight and those dressed appropriately. It was an overwhelming victory for the not so well dressed. Not only that but many were in groups I mean “Great Thundering Herds, Batman” I think I saw something like that on the National Geographic Channel, as herds of animals grazed across the savannah. I mean come on I’m not saying go on Jenny Craig, don’t even work out if you don’t want to, just dress right. Do not, do not, do not wear shirts so tight it makes you look like the Michelin man, trust me it is not accentuating the positive. Please leave the low cut jeans on the rack baby I love ya but please do it for the children, for goodness sake I’m begging ya.

Now I couldn’t just pick on the ladies, fellas a tucked in white T-Shirt stretched over that grain storage unit you call a stomach is not sexy…..no, really I promise, women don’t like that. If you need a bigger bra than your wife or girlfriend that is a problem. You may think a big bouncy chest is sexy……..but not on you.

Once again the end has come far to soon but alas I’m feeling a little self conscience after all this so I think I’ll go have some celery and warm water for breakfast….remember big is beautiful ….only if its packaged right.

(poof)

Oh my gosh! I’m not sure it’s proper that he a. dissed fats girls on my blog, seems kind of oxymoronish, b. did not mention fat girls in two piece bathing suits & c. he did not mention that you my friend have dated a weeble wobble once or twice yourself d. he did not use Lisa’s favorite line “her friend lied to her”. And yet, he wonders why he is single? Well it’s a mystery to me (not)! But, I will give him this, I completely agree that there are just some things that need to be covered up at all times (fat or not), muffin tops are not attractive & one size fits all does not always apply to every body. Please feel free to rip him apart, he is so on his own, I am turning the comment box right over to him, he can defend himself, he’s a big boy~ Now, that made me want a snack … where are the Krispy Kreme’s? come to think of it … a Krispy Kreme buffet might be a good business concept.

ps: I read that part a part about me being addicted to blogging … bite me! btw, does this mean I should throw away that shirt with the purple stripe around the bottom?

pss: don’t forget today is Courtney’s 21st birthday, please feel free to leave her a sweet birthday message in the comment box she reads the blog daily and it would be a sweet surprise!

me. & Tony

14 Comments on “* “Freaky Friday” he’s back …”

  1. Michele

    Can I get a big AMEN?!!! I agree totally, Do they ever look in a mirror before leaving home? I am no bean pole myself, but I cover it up. They need to quit shopping in the Junior section and realize they are plus size and not 16! I love Tony’s honesty. He tells it like it is, you do not have to wonder what he is thinking. I admire that in people. By the way HAPPY BIRTHDAY COURTNEY!! Enjoy your only 21 once.

  2. Erin's Mom

    You go, po po! Being on the wrong end of weight challenged I am always offended to see that which I try to disguise thrown in my face, be it male or female. Just cause you got it don’t mean you got to flaunt it – PLEASE!!!!

  3. Thad Bentley

    Tony, I like the way you disguise your “stretched white t-shirt” under the black shirt in the above picture!

  4. tony jones

    Hello Thad I have sense enough to cover my white t-shirt up I just can’t understand how the top of the shirt can stay loose but the bottom is always tight. Must be in the way its made.

  5. Sandy

    I must say I enjoyed this blog and TOTALLY AGREE!!!! let me start by saying I use to be one of the ladies that fell in to the grouping of ‘ “Great Thundering Herds, Batman” I think I saw something like that on the National Geographic Channel, as herds of animals grazed across the savannah’. (And by ‘use to be’ I mean I literally worked my @$$ off! no pills, no shots, no fad diets… just plain ol’ hard work! Lots of exercise and watching what I eat. And it took YEARS for the weight to come off but I have kept it off for over 3 years now. It wasn’t easy to do nor is it still easy! I would rather be sitting here eating a whole cheese cake instead of these carrots!!!!)

    I understand the hardships of finding clothes that fit and look nice. I’m also tall, so that added to the hardship in finding clothes… not all ‘fat’ women are short. However, you can, I repeat, you can find clothes to fit and make you look very nice! Big can be very beautiful!! I was (and still am) on the poor side… so I could not afford to shop in the specialty shops, so it was Wally World, Clearance Sales, and wherever I could find deals!

    It’s simple… find someone who you know will tell you the truth and simply ask… Or if you put something on and it is so tight you see a roll (this for anyone no matter of your size)… Don’t wear it!!! (this goes for the guys too!!!) I use this rule when I go shopping. One other trick… I have a camera phone… If I’m not sure… I snap a picture and then look at it… When in doubt… leave it at the store.
    off but I have kept it off for over 3 years now. It wasn’t easy to do nor is it still easy! I would rather be sitting here eating a whole cheese cake instead of these carrots!!!!)

  6. Mom Anita

    At least my child is gracious enough to have a sense of humor in his honesty! Several weeks ago, I encountered a young woman (probably late 20’s) who was wearing leather and looked like she had been melted and poured into the clothes. Came complete with a cowboy hat, too. (I thought maybe she belonged in a house of ill repute and that was her costume for the night.) No, gentlemen who read this, I will not introduce you! Had she worn something that fit properly, she would have been attractive. As it was, I decided there is no excuse for plain piss poor taste, regardless of size. Can we not just go for classy and/or neat

  7. Joy

    Melinda, I have to start off that Mom Anita told me to come back and see what her darling child had written..Tony leave chubby girls alone if the skinny girls can let it hang out then more power to the generously endowed..I personally think fat or skinny dress your age but what the heck as long as the women are happy and healthy leave them be..Hope you get to feeling better Melinda… PS Happy Birthday Courtney

  8. melinda

    hi Joy, so glad you’re back. I seriously do miss you guys when you don’t drop me a note once in a while. I of course am extremely partial to mom anita … been loving her for a long time! and thank you, I do feel much better today.

  9. chrisi

    tony- i couldn’t agree with you more, but i do have to add, skinny girls need to cover up too! there is no reason for a girl’s stomach or a boy’s boxers to be showing. great post! :)

    • melinda

      that’s my girl! my very nicely, properly dressed … stylin’ girl!

  10. Erin

    Well, well, well. Growing up as a po’ child myself the buffet is truly a financially challenged families friend. I definately feel I can relate to the weight issues since i used to be a thick girl myself, but i always tried to hide the weight not acentuate. I was very fortunate to have lots of opinions around me(I think) to keep from making poor clothing decisions. But maybe these ladies are happy with the way they look. Happiness comes from the inside, right? I do agree more clothing is better whether your are skinny or not Tony, just so you know my mother was so tramatized by your words she came in this morning in a moo moo.

  11. melinda

    I just wanted to take a minute to say “thanks” to all of you new visitors who have come by to check out Tony’s “Freaky Friday” post here on our blog. I hope you’ll add us to your favorites & stop by to say “hi” or share your thoughts on other subjects here on our blog. I enjoy reading your comments, y’all crack me up! He has such a unique way of bringing out the best in people , oh how I cherish his friendship. And btw, he isn’t lying about the kids fascination with buffet’s … I swear there was probably a 4 year period of time that if I had eaten at another buffet I might have just decided to give up food & start exercising for the fun of it. But what he didn’t tell you & what is not related to this post, but I plan to ask him to contribute in the coming weeks, is that he is an incredible cook & baker. So stay tuned, come back & check on the upcoming changes to the blog. Hopefully, we are going to be adding some fun, interesting & informative new things around here soon! ps: Erin, tell your mom to hang on to that moo moo, I may need to borrow it since I had to throw out my shirt with the purple stripe around the bottom … heaven knows, I don’t want to be looking like Saturn on accident. And … since you guys have some really great opinions, I would love to have any of you as our “Freaky Friday” (im)poster. Let me know if you’d be interested. I can only let him post every so often for fear of being fired, ex communicated from my church, friendless or disowned!

  12. Jodie

    Chrisi, you are right…the guys showing their underwear is not attractive. I want to go get them a belt every time I see it. Not excluding the “girls”….if you can see your underwear line through your jeans…they are toooooooo tight.

  13. Heather Sharpe

    Tony, you are soooo very correct. (unless you were talking about me, and then you would be wrong!)lol

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