* the calm before the storm …

Posted on June 8th, 2009 by melinda in Another day in the life of me.

Today is officially day one of the nervous breakdown I scheduled for the entire month of June. I have done good up until this point and I’m still doing ok. The business of the last few weeks have kept my thinking about Anna’s graduation at bay. And then poof! I wake up this morning and it is the week of her graduation. How did that happen? Where did the time go? Not just the past weeks, but the entire last 18 years. She was just born a week or so ago, or so it seems.

I find myself in an odd perdicament. A place I feel like I have visited but only for a little bit and then retreated back to the comfort of a safe, known environment. I’m not sure comparing Chrisi graduating and moving out is anywhere near the same. I say that for several reasons … she was the first to leave and I fell apart, promptly the day she moved the first stitch of clothing out of her room. I had never not had her under my roof for more than a few days and then she was with my parents or Thad & Brad. And then the unthinkable happened a month later, my mom died. I don’t know that I ever really processed, enjoyed, hated or anything else concerning the idea of Chrisi not being at our house. It may have something to do with the fact that we stayed at my dad’s for the first year after mom died, so I was right above her and she didn’t feel “moved out”. Plus, I still had Anna where ever I was.

My dilemma is this … I truly enjoy being a mother. I’ve shared many things about the girls with y’all and they really are great girls, I have been blessed beyond measure and certainly beyond anything I ever deserved. I enjoy my house being full of laughter, arguing and kids running in and out the doors. I enjoy taking care of them, comforting them, having logical adult conversations with them. They are two entirely different people, which has made mothering them all the more entertaining. I know I will always be their mother, I know they will be like 500 yards from my house. I know they will be safe. I understand all of those things. What I don’t know is … what in the sam hill do adults do without children to take care of 24/7? I have not a clue. I have had a child since I was barely an adult. I’ve never been married without a child, I’ve never vactioned without a child and I haven’t gone to the bathroom alone in nearly 20 years! There is a part of me that is looking forward to this new direction of my life. I am fortunate to have a husband I actually enjoy spending time with (most days), I have a great family, I have wonderful friends and an incredible church family. It’s not like I am being cut off from civilization. I imagine there are lots of things I will find to do to occupy my time. Maybe I’ll take up knitting … or maybe not.

Poor y’all. I feel for you. Maybe you should call ahead to your doctors and get your meds refilled. You are stuck with me. The blog will not be moving out. Alice, my co worker whom I share an office with, is seriously considering brain surgery as an alternative to putting up with me. Heather already burst her appendix on purpose not to have to deal with me. Ok, not really, but she is in the hospital from a ruptured & now removed appendix. It’s no telling what Cathy may do, other than tell me to stop whining or smack me upside my head. My brother will listen to me cry from a very long distance and my father will shake his head like he always does. Richard will go to the building. I guess life isn’t really changing all that much afterall.

me.

5 Comments on “* the calm before the storm …”

  1. chrisi

    mom– you will be okay, i promise. besides..we will still come eat your food on a regular basis :)
    love you. you’re a wonderful mom, thanks for everything.

  2. purejoy

    totally can relate! my last one graduated a few weeks ago!! believe it or not, you’re gonna be fine! crazy maybe, but fine!

  3. Jodie

    I will make a special note, to read your blogs at night,instead of in the morning for the next few weeks.It is not a good idea to have puffy eyes before work.(like today) Although, I have not been down this road(yet)with my children,I do know you have to have alot of mixed feelings right now. Remember what you said, you have raised two great young ladies. They know what is important in life. They will never be far, and will visit often.You are an awesome Mom.

  4. chrisi

    and ya’ll go ahead and keep placing bets on “2 weeks” over there on the poll…we will need grocery money when we win :)

  5. tanner "tan-man"

    lol, chrisi

    <3 tanner

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