* oh Lavender …

Posted on July 20th, 2009 by melinda in camp town

In this post that I did a few days back, I made mention of a dog named Lavender.  I have to share with you about Lavender.  But before I can share with you about Lavender, I have to introduce you to drunk campground Gary.  Blog, this is Gary … Gary this is our blog.  (please note, I have no real intention of ever telling Gary that I have a blog, for safety reasons if no other reason).  


Anna is fascinated with campground Gary.  They are buds.  This worries me more than a tad.  Not because campground Gary is bad, he is actually a really nice man.  It worries me because Anna just worries me in general most days.   Our first real encounter with campground Gary was our July 4th vacation 2008.  He, chicken butt & the family, which includes Sandy & me too were camped right behind us last year.  Yes, I just referred to someone as chicken butt.  I truly do not know chicken butts real name, although I pray she has a real name, I’ve never heard it.   I think Sandy is Gary’s wife?  and me too, well me too is chicken butts man.  Campground Gary named him me too cause he said all he ever heard chicken butt say when she talked to him on the phone was “me too” so he just assumed his name (which I don’t know either) was me too, thus that’s what he gets called.  I have no idea if campground Gary knows my name or not, I’ve told him 72 times that my name is melinda but he just refers to me as clerk of court.  I have explained in detail that I am not the clerk of court, I am merely a lowly deputy clerk of court … he says “ok clerk of court”.    Nevermind all that name stuff as far as campground Gary is concerned, it’s irrelevant. As long as I have ice in the cooler he is happy to visit us.

Campground Gary is a masterful story teller.  He freaks me out but I love to hear him tell a story.  Plus, he nearly blew up the campground last July 4th, blamed it solely on that tellersville bunch and rode off on his golf cart in search of the guilty party.  I thought a camper had exploded and was waiting on hazmat to show up.  This year, it was the story of ole Lavender that did me in.  I laughed at him until I nearly pee’d my pants.  I’m not sure why we were talking about dogs, I do know that Gary showed up to bring me some ice to fill my cooler back up and jumped right in on the conversation.  He says “well chicken butt & me too’s dogs name is Lavender” then he starts hollaring in a very not so masculine voice “oh lavender c’mere  lavender”  He went on to tell the story of how Lavender was a pound dog that chicken butt adopted and they had named it at the pound.  I felt sure Lavender must be a poodle or some small dainty dog, but noooo … apparantly Lavender is a big (very feminine) male great dane.  At which point campground Gary inquires as to our convictions concerning gay dogs, cause he ain’t got no problem with chicken butts gay dog Lavender.  Y’all, I seriously about fell out.  By the way, Charles was going by hollaring yeee hawww about this same time.  And if all that weren’t enough … campground Gary adds that he too adopted a dog from the pound.  An ole mutt they had named coupe de ville.  Campground Gary says “we just call him Jake”.


5 Comments on “* oh Lavender …”

  1. Tony Jones

    The more I read your camping post the more I wonder why, why, why oh lord have I not made it up there. I’m not sure my heart could stand the action. :)

  2. chrisi

    its not as fun to read as it was to experience this story in real life! :)

  3. Amanda Lail

    ya’ll must camp at Green Mt. Park?

  4. melinda

    #1. we do camp at Green Mtn. Park. Love it. It’s our home away from home.

    #2. Tony Jones. As per my no cussing policy and the fact that I diligently try not to have a potty mouth … I am simply going to go with … bite me! I’m not even sure you have a heart!

  5. melinda

    ps: just cause we can’t ALL afford to go on a big ole cruise for vacation doesn’t mean you have to make fun of the poor trashy camper dwellers. just saying.

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