* is it cool to be a good wife? …

Posted on July 28th, 2009 by melinda in making marriage work

making marriage work …

part 3.

When I first thought about writing on this topic, I had a lot of mixed emotions.  I’m good at sharing funny or sometimes sad stuff with you guys but seldom go in to deep thoughts or personal beliefs here.  What I want to say first and formost is this … I truly enjoy being a wife and mother.  This is where the converstation with Anita began.  We were talking about the unpopularity of simply being those things.  Our conversation centered around a book she was reading about women mentoring other women on subjects such as relationships, mothering advice, wifely advice and so on.  What occured to me is that there are many women who don’t have mentoring relationships in their lives.  This is not something I am familiar with.  I have grown up surrounded by family.  I grew up living within walking distance of both sets of my grandparents and many aunts and uncles.  As I got older, my relationship with my own mother changed in many ways, we became not only mother & daughter but good friends.  When my mother died, my aunts, my grandmother, my mother in law, Penny & my female church family members stepped up to fill many areas in my life that my mother had filled in the past.  Even though, no one can ever take her place, having someone to go to for advice or help has not been an issue for me.  I am truly blessed to be surrounded by love in so many directions. 

So why is it that simply being a wife and mother are no longer goals we apsire to?  When did it stop being cool to say “I am happy being a wife, I find contentment in being a mother”?  I’m not sure of the answer, but I do have some personal opinions.  I think as a society we have moved away from family being the center of our universe and have replaced that inner core with so many things that I cannot begin to name them all.  Let me be clear, I am as guilty of this as anyone I know.  I work 40 hours a week.  I strive to have material possessions that I probably don’t really need and I often find my home, my husband and my children take 2nd place to other things I have going on around me.  This holds especially true for me during an election year.  I realize that working is not an option at my house, it is a necessity if I plan to continue to have a home to live in, and since my daddy already kicked me out, I guess I need a house.  Although, my camper is very inviting somedays.  But do I really need to run 24/7, being here, being there?  I find that the older I get, the more I enjoy simply being at home.  I think I inherited this from my own mother.  I use to tell her she was turning into a hermit crab and she would say … good. 

When I try to figure out what I think a good wife is or does, I come up with a mile long list.  Some of which are probably accurate and some of which are probably not.  Here is an example:  Does keeping my house spotless make me a better wife?  I surely hope not.  Although, I will say, that I find when things are more organized and in their place I am more content.  But should cleaning house come before spending an afternoon hanging out with my husband doing something we both enjoy?  I don’t think so.  Does being skinny make me a better wife?  Well if it does, then I am outta luck!  But, should I strive to take care of myself in order to be a happier, healthier person in general.  Of course, and I have always been of the opinion, if I look better, I feel better.  Does being a good cook make me a better wife?  Nope, but it saves us money, it provides me an outlet to show my family that I love and care about them and I want them to be well fed.  Plus, eating dinner together gives us time to fellowship as a family.  Do I really care if Richard had a good day at work or not?  Maybe, maybe not … but by asking, it opens the door to conversation and provides him the ability to share parts of his life with me that I may not be aware of if I don’t bother asking.  Does going on a date help your marriage?  I sure hope so.  One day your children will be grown and if you aren’t accustom to spending time together as a couple, then how will you relate to eachother when that happens?  I think it’s very important to have some time together as a couple without the children.  In turn, I think family time is extremely important.  Our children are grown now, but I still value the time we spend doing family things.  I think it’s one reason I enjoy camping so much.  No tv, no internet … just some good time with family & friends.

I’m going to stop here but will be picking this subject up in a post sometime in the next week or so.  What I would be interested to know is … what do you think makes someone a good wife? 

to be continued …


7 Comments on “* is it cool to be a good wife? …”

  1. purejoy

    being a good wife. . .
    being responsible and open with finances
    keeping an orderly home
    managing family affairs (calendar/child issues)
    being attentive to your husband
    dating/wooing always
    valuing your looks/presentation
    being a good conversationalist
    respecting your husband always
    showing your children how to be loving and respectful
    proverbs 31 (but in a good way)

    value your husband. honor and respect. show affection.
    i’m not very good at any of these things, but i do try!

  2. melinda

    I’m just so grateful you took the time to comment!

  3. Marjorie Markham

    I think to be a good wife you have to have a man who wants to be a good husband. This to me means, that they try to help out in any way they can because they know it will make the marriage work better, not just because it helps you. And the same for women. Now I don’t mean they should be able to read our mind and I don’t mean that sometimes you don’t have to ask for something to be done. When your job becomes more important than your home life and marriage, you are in trouble.

  4. katrina

    I am very happy to say I enjoy being a wife and a mother, I know I have lots of faults and dont do everything like I probably should. I thank God everyday for my salvation and the wonderful family he has blessed me with. Enoying your blog, gives us something to think about–the simple sweet things of life.

  5. melinda

    I just wanted to say thanks to all of you who commented, I was really begining to think I was talking to myself (not that that would be overly unusual or anything) but I really do appreciate you thoughts.

  6. chrisi

    mom–wasn’t quite sure what to say to this post since i’m not yet married. however, i hope to be a cool wife and mom one day…not anytime soon.

  7. melinda

    how could you not be a cool wife & mother … you learned from the best! although, I do hope it will be a while before you get married & have children (in that order, do not take after your mother in that regard)

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