* mom, I’m stuffed …

Posted on August 27th, 2009 by melinda in my not so normal family


Tonight I am going to share a little known fact about myself with you.  Something I have never mentioned.  Something I wasn’t even aware of myself until one fateful day way back when.  Are you sitting down?  You may need to sit down. I have a son.  OH?  Ya.  Oh is exactly what I said too.  Actually it was more like “what the crappity crap crap are you talking about Chrisi”?  but Oh pretty much summed it up at the exact moment in time many moons ago. 

Would you like to meet my son?  He’s really very cute.  He has a nice name too.  Not to mention the minor detail that he was stolen borrowed and has not been returned in the past 19 years. 


Let me introduce my son … his name is Frank Hayden Bentley. 

Frank belongs to Lydia Chrisi.  According to Chrisi’s version of our family tree … Frank is her brother.  I know Frank is her brother because she once told a social worker, who doing a home study for her semi adoption, this very thing.  


For those fortunate souls reading who don’t know all about our messed up family tree, I promise to one day explain it in grand detail,  but there isn’t time left in this month to even begin to sort us out.  Just so you don’t worry your pretty little heads, none of us were kin fore we got hitched and reproduced or didn’t get hitched and reproduced or … nevermind.  So anyway, the social worker is at our house interviewing Chrisi, who was 3 at the time.  It was one of those things when parents can’t threaten explain nicely to their children what the correct answer should be.  In fact, until the interview was over, the adults in the room, couldn’t say a thing.  Can you even begin to imagine that I had a difficult time with that?  Anna was an infant and most likely screaming her head off while social worker guy was doing his standard question thing.  The conversation went something like this:

sw guy:  So Christina, I see you have a new baby pain in the butt sister.   (he was very observant and apparantly not deaf).

Chrisi: mmhhmm.

sw guy:  Well Christina, do you have any other sisters or brothers? 

Chrisi: mmhhmm.

sw guy: (stunned look, rummaging thru paperwork) you have another sister or brother?

Chrisi: mmhhmm.

melinda: (assuming she is talking about adopta dad’s son from his 1st marriage, says not nary a word).

sw guy: (confused look) Well Christina, do you have a brother or another sister?

Chrisi: a brudder.

melinda: (not saying a word).

sw guy: Well Christina, what is his name and where is he?

Chrisi: (confused look like sw guy must be stupid) his name is Frank Hayden Bentley, he is in his bed in my closet where we always keep him. (duh!)

ss guy: (dazed look, where is the telephone look, someone call 911 look, help me I am in a bad dream look).  speechless.

melinda: (trying really hard not to fall in the floor laughing).

sw guy: Chrisi, can you please go get your brother so I can meet him.

Chrisi: he might still be asleep.

sw guy: (getting a little unnerved) would you please wake him up?

Chrisi: (headed to her bedroom) yep.

sw guy: (giving me the you are so going to jail stare).

melinda: (still trying not to laugh).

Chrisi: (prancing back into the room, which I might mention was a whole 2.3 feet from her bedroom in our single wide treller, yes we are some high falootin’ rednecks, thank you)  Frank Hayden in tow.  She proudly says “this is my brudder Frank Hayden Bentley”! 

sw guy: (relieved look) ohhhh … well how nice it is to meet your brother Frank Hayden.

Chrisi: begins to expound on the intriquicies of having to tend to her brother Frank Hayden while Anna screams all day and none of us can get a piece of quiet around this house.  (her 3 year old version of peace and quiet).

please feel free to get up, stretch, go pee, pop some pop corn, make a sundrop, delete my  blog address, rest your weary eyes, run for your life, smack yourself for still being here ..

sw guy: Well my time is about up, I best be on my way.

melinda: ya think?

sw guy: I’ll be in touch.

melinda: I’m sure you will.

So there you have it.  The story of how I got a son.  Frank Hayden is an important member of our family.  Chrisi has spent many an hour taking care of him.  He’s been to the doctor on a regular basis …


He celebrates the Holidays with us …  (I’m really not sure what’s going on with my dad in this picture, he looks a little like Charlie Chaplin to me.  And I swear on all that is pure , if any of you rat me out to my daddy I will do something evil to you in return, ok not really.)


Sometimes Frank lives on the edge a little too much for his own good.  See his toe?  This is what happens when Frank Hayden tries to cross the road to Penny & Randy’s house without permission from Nana.  You get run over by a car and then your toe is deformed for the rest of your life.  Chrisi is still scared to cross the road without permission, she’s not really even very sure about checking her mail box next to the road.


These days, Frank Hayden is the man of the compartment.  He is never very far from his big sister & best friend Chrisi. 


I am a bit concerned that Frank Hayden doesn’t seem to get out much lately.  I think he may need a girlfriend … maybe I should hook him up with my dear childhood friend … Heather Nicole.  She’s pretty dadgum hot!  Just a thought. 



6 Comments on “* mom, I’m stuffed …”

  1. Courtney

    I thoroughly enjoyed this.

  2. melinda

    I just noticed the very stylish (non) cellular mobile device attached to chrisi’s pants in the picture of her doctoring on poor ole frank … y’all i laughed so hard i almost pee’d. i even made anna come in here to see it. oh my goodness who dressed my children?

  3. Marjorie Markham

    How funny. Kayla used to call all her dolls “Josh Webb” after the kid in Bryants class. Strange name for a baby girl doll, but that was the name she told everyone. She must have loved the sound of it coming off her lips. If you ever need a playmate for Frank or Heather, I am sure I could dig out Bryant’s “Dudley” or Britt’s “Madge Natalie”.

  4. Jodie

    Heather Nochole has quite the 70’s hair do. (I think I have a doll similar to that packed away- ha.)

  5. chrisi

    mom that phone could pick up anywhere! don’t make fun!

  6. Amanda Lail

    way too funny! I have heard some good SW stories with Mom working for SS for 32 years but this one takes the cake!!!!

More News