* scratch and sniff …

Posted on October 15th, 2009 by melinda in Another day in the life of me.

rottenbird

I am really really aggravated right this minute.  Do you see that hen?  That hen was supposed to be the subject of my blog post for tonight.  I had it all planned out.  This is the first night I’ve been home to really cook in over a week.  I was going to butter, baste and season that hen and then slowly roast it to perfection.  My mouth was watering just thinking about those golden juices dripping down my broiler pan.  The crackly kosher salt & fresh ground pepper glistening on top, the sound of butter sizzling as it bakes.  I was going to take an after picture so your mouths would water too.  You were going to praise me for the simplicity of baking a hen.  You were going to run to the meat section of your favorite store and buy 72 hens for future roasting.  You were going to send me sweet messages about how delicious your hen was and thank me for saving your marriage because all along all your man wanted was a little roasted hen.

But no.  That would have been way to simple.  Life just doesn’t work like that at my house.  My blankity blank blank hen was rotten.  Spoiled.  Putrefied.  To sum it up … it stank to high heaven.  You know that stank that sticks in the back of your throat causing a little throw up to lodge itself near your tonsils?  Yeah, it stank like that.  You’re welcome for the visual.  I am mad.  I hate that hen.  All I wanted to do was baste it and roast it.  That’s all.  I didn’t want to shove a beer can up it’s butt and grill it.  I didn’t want to inject it with anything.  I didn’t want to tear it apart in to tiny bits.  I just wanted to sweetly butter it up, spice it up and roast the dad gum thing!  It’s cold, the oven would have felt nice and toasty.  Stupid hen.  I hope it rots in you know where … oh wait!  it’s already rotten.

(deep breath) please feel free to return to your regularly scheduled evening and ignore the fact that I just completely lost my mind over a baking hen.  Maybe if you are crazy brave enough to return tomorrow, I will be back to my senses.  Or not.

However, my daddy once again saved the day.  He called and invited us to dinner at his house.  Tacos it was.  I think I am going to like this retirement thing he’s got going on.  I just can’t call him during the day anymore and interrupt him watching the young and the restless trying to work on the house. Silly me, what was I thinking?

me.

10 Comments on “* scratch and sniff …”

  1. Jodie

    You do make me laugh Mleinda.

  2. Jodie

    Now if I could only spell. oops!

  3. Emmy

    Your so funny! I would have thought that was just another wonderful sign that i shouldn’t cook!

  4. Marjorie Markham

    Another reason I don’t cook. Just the thought of smelling a rotten hen would make me never want to eat one again. The graphic detail was almost too much for me. I think I could smell it over here.

  5. melinda

    margie are you wussing out on me? glad you’re feeling better!

  6. Penny

    Wow! That hen “if it had not been rotten” could have been made into some good ole’ dumplings. I really hate that you did not get to have roasted chicken for supper.

  7. melinda

    penny if you really loved me you would now feel obligated to decrease my suffering by fixin’ me a big ole pot of home made chicken & dumplins. what time shall we eat?

  8. Penny

    Some time after Randy returns from the woods with his prize “deer” he keeps trying to find. I let you know!

  9. melinda

    you have to promise that randy will not make deer dumplins, lie to me by ommission and make me eat them. not that randy would ever do me like that …

  10. Bobbi

    I am so sorry you didn’t get to roast your hen. It sounded sooo good till you got to the rotten part. All I kept thinking about is it won’t be long till I’m in Ky with my family roasting the turkey for our Thanksgiving dinner. There must be something wrong with me because I don’t like to cook for just the three of us but I love to cook Thanksgiving & Christmas dinner for my family in Ky. Maybe it’s because my mom &dad usually help out & it becomes more or less a team effort. GOOOO Hatfields!

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