* I am not an eskimo …

Posted on January 4th, 2010 by melinda in Another day in the life of me.

100_4127

Dear Mother Nature,

I would like to file a complaint.  In case you haven’t noticed, the heat is no longer working in the southern half of the United States.  I am pretty certain the furnace is broken, could you please send one of your minions to check the breaker box?  Maybe the equator has fallen down on his job?  It may be time for a one on one chat with him.  I was born in the south for a very good reason, I do not enjoy sub arctic temperatures, not one tiny bit.  I mean, how am I suppose to parade around in my bikini in 25 degrees?  Ok, so I don’t own a bikini, in fact, I should never own a bikini for any reason, but that is an entirely different post (did you just get a really scary visual? I am so sorry for that).  I would at least like to not have to wear a coat.  I really dislike coats, they are bulky and in case you have been too busy jetting around on the jet stream to notice, I am pretty bulky without any extra layering.  The rain has kicked our behinds, the drought before that was a pain and now I am feeling somewhat like a very confused eskimo. I don’t know if I need to purchase a snow plow, a boat or a sprinkler system.  The snow was fine for about a day but there are still snowy spots around here nearly three weeks later … I feel it’s my duty to kindly ask you to tell the sun to get busy and clean this mess up before more snow decides that the south might actually be a nice place to hang out on a regular basis.  And this whole wind blowing while it’s cold thing is not working out for me either.  What’s up with that?  The wind is working overtime and the sunshine is on strike?  When I have to resort to sleeping in socks, it’s a sad day and might I add, not a very hot look with my sexy flannel lingerie.  Yes, I know I have issues with the whole sock thing.  Did we really need to go there?  mmm no, I didn’t think so.   Just because I resemble a penguin does not mean I want to live in a frozen tundra, I can waddle around just fine in my normally mild 40 degree January bliss.  

In closing, I would just like to point out that if even one of you crazy cold weather loving yankee’s points out the fact that 25 degrees is fairly warm for this time of the year … I will feel obligated to point out that no one in their right mind would live in those kind of conditions to begin with.  Which may explain the influx of yankee’s now living below the Mason Dixon line.  (tony, if you say one word about the mason dixon line not being real, we can no longer be friends). 

Now, I have to go … I think I just saw a polar bear foraging for berries outside my window. 

sincerely,

me.

6 Comments on “* I am not an eskimo …”

  1. Jodie

    ha ha he he ho ho……….this yankee(who does not “prefer” to live on the midwest) is freezing her behind off at MINUS 20 (with windchill) tonight…..thank you very much. 25 degree is shorts weather in this neck of the woods.

  2. Marjorie Markham

    I am so sorry this cold is bothering you but I was not the least bit cold in my classroom that was a mear 59 degrees due to heating problems. Sure I had on a long sleeve sweater and if you would just have a hot flash…(trust me, they are coming) you would see how nice it feels at 59 degrees. Instead of socks, why not just buy a an electric mattress pad like I have (oops, mine is still under the bed LOL). They will keep you warm.

  3. melinda

    hush it … both of you yankee girls!

  4. Jodie

    I can relate to the “hotflashes” Just wait Melinda,. You will find the joy to that “season” of life.you …soon. The kids wear long john year around in this house..(ha)

  5. Tony Jones

    Ok I won’t say it but just because you saw a sign don’t make it true. Ummm maybe instead of an imaginary line we should build a wall :0

  6. Amy Barnes

    Totally agreed!! It’s way too cold for this country girl. I’m so ready for spring, summer and rodeo season weather. ha

More News