* stubborn vs. stupid …

Posted on January 13th, 2010 by melinda in my not so normal family


Apparently my little brother thinks it would be a fun idea for me to tell y’all a story from way back when in our childhood.  He’s such a hoot.  Mostly, I think he just wants me to give you and opportunity to point out how ridiculously silly stubbornness can be and how the end results don’t always work out so well for you or your behind.

Since it’s getting late, I haven’t been home before 9 pm a night this week and I have about a million other things I should be doing … I will oblige him and tell you the real story of me and my mamaw’s front porch.  It’s a serious story, do not laugh.  Laughing is against the rules.  I can see you if you laugh, I have special blog powers don’t ever read our blog neckid!

When I was young, like 5 maybe, my parents had plans to go to a Sunday School Christmas party.  Please understand, when we were young, an outing meant you were going to #1. a ball field #2. church #3. well, there was no #3.  Anyway, they were going out to a shindig, without me and the bratty little brother.   Earlier in the day, my mama had informed me that we would be staying at mamaw and papaws.  I immediately took issue with this idea, for several reasons … #1. I had already had one bath that week and I knew she would make me take a bath upon arrival #2. I did not want to go to bed at 6:13 pm #3.  I did not want to miss out on whatever fun my parents were planning to have without us.  My mama quickly informed me that it was not a topic up for discussion.  I on the other hand, explained, what I thought was very clearly, that I was not going to mamaw and papaws.  And then, she made a fatal error!  She sent my daddy to deliver us to our destination.  My daddy, bless him, trusted that his 5 year old would do what she was told.  Oh the disappointment that would follow.  My daddy did exactly as he was instructed … he dropped us off at mamaw’s.  (which I should point out was a whole 1/4 mile from our house).  Simple enough.  The packages were delivered.  My parents were off for a night out on the town, alone, without their children, because we were safely tucked in at our grandparents … or so they thought. 

I was on the front porch.  I said what I meant and I meant what I said … I wasn’t staying with mamaw.   I might have been abandoned and forced to be at mamaws but I wasn’t about to be outdone.  For the next 3 hours, I sat on the front porch.  It was December, it was cold and that ralt iron patio furniture was cold on the ole tush, but I endured.  I did not budge, not once.  I could hear Thad inside, playing and having fun.  I could hear mamaw and papaw, but there I sat.  Me, not staying with mamaw, just like I said.  Can you say idiot stubborn?

After the big doings were over and my parents returned to the scene of the crime my grandparents to fetch us … there I was, in all my stubborn, frozen glory … sitting steadfast on the front porch.  Have you ever heard of a DSS beating?  The kind where if it were now, someone would report you to child services?  Yeah, it was like that.  My mama whooped the cold right off of my behind before we even got in the door, which was about a whole 3 feet away from my perch.    As soon as she threw me thru the door we walked in, my mamaw turned into the devil right before my very eyes.  She grabbed me from my mama, for one second I thought she was saving me, ohh how wrong I was!  The next few minutes from that point are still a blur.  I remember voices … voices saying “what do you mean she wasn’t with you”?  “how did you not know she was on the porch”? “what do you mean you didn’t walk them inside”?  if it is possible for a 5 year old to be scared within an inch of their life … I was there.  My poor non violent daddy and papaw looked like they might consider calling 911 but the wrath of that for them would be worse than just sacrificing the poor little girl to the demons that were now in possession of her.  And then … a miracle happened!  It occured to someone that my little brother had failed to mention the fact that I was with him when my daddy kicked us out of the car dropped us off.  Why in tarnation had he not told mamaw I was on the porch.  I heard angels singing … I was saved!  I have never been so glad in my whole entire life to have a little brother.  I loved him dearly in that moment and I thoroughly enjoyed the whoopin’ he got for not telling I was there. 

So there you have it.  The true story of mamaw’s front porch.  I can assure you, I was sitting on a clean, freshly mopped front porch.  I can also assure you, I never tried such a thing again!  I am so glad I grew out of my stubborness!


3 Comments on “* stubborn vs. stupid …”

  1. Jodie

    Don’t laugh? Yea…..right!!!!

  2. Miranda

    This is the best laugh Ive had all week ! I can just see little Thad and little Melinda as though they may be Peanuts characters! I say forget Leno and Conan – put Melinda on NBC late night !!!

  3. Courtney

    Oh my goodness, Melinda. I’m glad no one was permanently injured after this fateful night.

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