* thank God I’m a country girl …

Posted on February 12th, 2010 by melinda in Another day in the life of me.

Are you kidding me?  What in the name of Pete is going on with the weather?  This snow stuff is really beginning to get old.  And why does it have to snow every dadgum weekend?  I’m not a big fan of leaving my house on the weekend but geez louise, it would be nice if it were actually an option to leave if I wanted to.  I feel like I’m on weekend house arrest for some crime I didn’t even know I committed.  I’m also amazed at how snow events in the south seem to coincide perfectly with my grocery shopping weeks.  Once again, Walmart was a living torture session.  We weren’t even suppose to get any snow, it was suppose to be south and east of us. 

Speaking of east of us … yesterday, I had to take mini back to the dealership for a check up.  I nearly had a conniption fit driving to work.  I’m tooling along, minding my own business and all of the sudden out of the blue this big ole flashing red light comes on … it reads “EP”  in big bright letters, right smack in front of my face.  I whooped her over and pulled out the manual.  Well, first I pulled out the 12 empty cigarette packs, 9 empty cheese cracker wrappers, 132 bills and 1 lapse of insurance notice and then … I pulled out the users manual.  You can fit a lot of stuff in the dash of a mini cooper, it’s nearly as big as the trunk, which we will not be discussing for any reason.  I use mini’s trunk kind of like a storage rental unit, you just put stuff in there that you never really plan to see again but can’t quite part with yet.  I know the people at the mini dealership were probably on the phone with mini DSS as soon as I left the parking lot.  I might have cleaned her out had I known she was going on a trip … ok, that’s a lie, I might have called Jimmy Brown and begged him to clean her out, I wasn’t cleaning her out either way.  It’s basic science, chunky people cannot maneuver around inside a mini cooper in any sort of comfortable fashion.  If you own a mini, and you’re a bit on the plump side, you better get you a good car guy.  And, then your bff can call you and ask you if you are planning to plant some corn in your floor boards.  She’s sweet like that. 

Anyway, I once again confirmed something I already knew about myself.  I hate cities.  I hate traffic and I hate interstates.  I was born to live in the country, to drive on 2 lane roads with no one else on them. I get testy when I get behind a hay truck or a chicken truck on my way to work.   I would be in prison in about 1 month if I had to drive in that kind of traffic everyday.  It’s a nightmare.  Cars and trucks all around you, right on your bumper, driving 60 miles over the speed limit, in and out of traffic and don’t even get me started on tractor trailers … they scare me.  You ever see that movie Joy Ride?  It’s like that.  I need a bottle of Valium just to cross the big bridge to the little city near me.  I’m just really proud of myself that I didn’t have to pull over and a) vomit b) breath in a brown bag or c) leave mini at some random rest stop, hitch a ride home with a known serial killer and being grateful for the ride.   Thank heaven I found an old Andy Griffith Precious Memories cd while I was digging around in my dash, it kept me calm … it’s kind of hard to get overly upset with Andy singing The Old Rugged Cross (who’s favorite song is that) in the background. 

My dad was kind enough to follow me to the big city and drive me back home.  I’m not sure what mini’s diagnosis is, I did learn that the flashing EP light means “experiencing problems” … apparently they have rocket scientist designing the complex code system for the mini cooper.  Who’da thunk it.  I mean I thought EP meant something like “extra pretty” or “exceptionally perfect” I had no clue some big flashing red light might indicate there was some sort of problem.  I swear, it was all I could do not to say “duh” to the service lady when she said “well, mrs. null, it would appear that your mini cooper is experiencing problems”, but I didn’t I was “Extremely Polite”.

Looks like I will be making good use of the sewing machine this weekend.  Come back tomorrow, we might be having a valentines day giveaway … maybe.  You should probably check just to be on the safe side. 


One Comment on “* thank God I’m a country girl …”

  1. Marjorie Markham

    Well ook at it this way, it was God’s way of making sure you didn’t drive this weekend.

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