I haven’t had an actual stomach flu in years.  I’ve had a few quick 24 hours upset stomach bugs … but this one, this one has kicked my behind (and my ribs and my nose and my throat and pretty much every bone, crevice, cavity and muscle in my body). 

So what does one do to occupy their mind during a 48 hour puke/diarrhea fest  illness?  I feel obliged to share with you.  Mostly, I feel obliged cause if I feel bad you should feel compelled to endure my misery with me.  I love you just that much. 

The #1 and most important thing one may think when a stomach flu hits them like a freight train bound for hades is this … I really really wish I had taken more time cleaning my toilet.  How did all that stuff get on there? 

The 2nd thing to quickly follow the 1st thought may be … I don’t remember eating anything that looked or smelled remotely like that.  And do not even pretend that I am the only person to take inventory of their puke. 

The 3rd thing that comes to mind may be … oh. my. gosh. I did not know poop could be that color.  I am 41, have birthed and raised 2 children and nevuh evuh have I seen that.  Maybe I should be a bit concerned, that does not look healthy. 

You still here?  stupid.

Moving along to #4 … if I smoke will it make me more nauseous?  I really want to smoke!  Surely it won’t make me throw up worse.  I think I’ll smoke.  Ohhh that was a very very bad idea. 

#5 may be the most perplexing to me … how long can I survive on toast and soda crackers?  If I don’t even feel like dreaming of KFC mashed potatoes and gravy, I may be near death and not even aware of it. 

#6 is an open question for y’all?  how much pepto can one person ingest without becoming immune to it?  And just in case you weren’t aware of this next tid bit of information, Emetrol is nasty.  Write that down somewhere for future use, it taste worse than just throwing up.

#7 is a trickster … how can laying in bed hurt so much?  I mean, seriously, you are just laying there and it hurts to be still. 

I never thought #8 was even possible … how many hot baths in one day are too many?  I sure hope no one else in this house plans to take a hot shower or bath for like the next week, we are over our hot water budget limit for like the entire month, and I am shriveled like a prune … it’s a nice look.

#9 … Pajama pants are really much more comfortable than jeans or dress pants, and I have lots of comfortable ones, and I’ve needed every. single. pair.

#10.  is it possible to feel to yucky to blog?  yes, it is. 

If you are feeling a bit angry that you just took your valuable time to read this … I apologize, make yourself feel better and go read about what I do when I can’t sleep … it’s probably much more entertaining. 

me.