* still waters run deep …

Posted on March 24th, 2010 by melinda in Another day in the life of me.

 

I have attempted to write this post for about 3 days now.  I have started, deleted, started over and deleted again about 9 times.  I get nowhere, don’t like what I’ve written or just plain get distracted.  I seem to be getting distracted a lot lately.  I feel overwhelmed right this minute.  That is most likely because my schedule has been off kilter since the beginning of March and I cannot seem to find my way back to some semblance of a normal schedule.   I don’t mean to sound all drastic and drama queenish … it’s not like that.  It’s more like running around in circles trying to catch my ample tail.  I haven’t quite gotten a grip on it in a few weeks.  Do y’all ever feel discombobulated? 

I am going to attempt this post once more, if I don’t get it out this time, it’s likely you won’t ever read it, thus you will never know the difference so it won’t really be of any importance anyway. 

As you most likely know, unless you just landed here by accident today, last weekend we took our church house youth camping.  It was a wonderful weekend, but also a weekend that has brought long term change to my life.  I don’t typically find it hard to express my emotions, but in all honesty I am struggling with that a bit right this minute.  I think I’m scared to be overly open and honest with y’all … which is weird to me.  I mean, you know I poop every time I go to Walmart, what could possibly be more personal?  Sorry, I know I didn’t really need to bring that up but I needed a good example.  I think I’m worried that you’ll be concerned that I have lost my mind.  That I may be just a brick or two shy of a load if I go in to great detail about the weekend … but on the other hand, I find myself with a feeling of deep need to share a very personal life changing experience with you.  I am completely teetering between the emotions of excitement and fear in equal amounts at the same time.  I have some idea of how many of you read the blog, who you are and what not, but there is also a portion of you that I don’t know, that I have no clue about other than you stop by once in a while.  This perplexes me.  It confuses my sense of direction.  I think I need an emotional GPS device … or maybe I have one and it’s called a conscience. 

I’m just going to spit it out.  If you never come back, I’ve enjoyed you being here.  That’s all I know to say.  If you stick around, thank you, I am truly not insane, I am simply re-evaluating some things in my life that I have for a very long time held as truths.  Like for instance, the fact that my husband is not a deeply emotional person.  That theory is now right out the window.  The term still waters run deep has never resonated more clearly with me in my entire life.  It all started with our evening service Saturday night.  If you don’t know the history of my marriage, please read here to get caught up, it will help explain this post so much more.  My dear, sweet, inspiring friend Randy & his wife, also my long time, dear friend and co worker, Page, came up to the campground for our service.  He was to be the service … at least the originally intended speaker for the evening.  And he was, for a little while.  I have known Randy for about 28 years and Page just as long.  I had never heard him give his testimony, although I knew it, simply because I knew them while all of the things he talked about were going on.  I can remember seeing them out and thinking to myself “oh my gosh, that is so sad, how does Page stand it? … I am so glad that isn’t me” not knowing that one day, in a different form of addiction, it would be me.  How easily I judged.  I am ashamed of me.  I rejoiced when Randy got saved and not only conquered his addiction but kicked it’s behind and stomped all over it, all the while giving 100% of the credit to God.  It’s not my place to share his story with you, but I can tell you, if you ever get the opportunity to be somewhere he is speaking, you should go, take your children and any other family member you can drag along.  You will be a better person for it.  The one thing I do want to say is this … Randy refused to dwell on the details of his addictions, I appreciate that, I think glorifying addiction only gives the devil due credit, so I waas very excited that he simply acknowledged the particular addiction and moved along to God’s redeeming grace.  Our teens didn’t make a peep (which is somewhat akin to me not eating a krisy kreme within 200 yards of my grasp, it just doesn’t happen).  I may have threatened an itty bitty bit … but either way, they were all ears, hearts and open minds, soaking in what God can do if we run toward him not away from him (please ref. Jonah chapter 1 & 2 for an excellent example).  Randy talked for about 45 minutes.  The Holy Spirit had apparently opted for a weekend of camping with us and filled the entire great hall with love and peace.  It was surreal, even at that moment, if the evening had ended right then, it would have been a great evening and time spent in praise.  But … little did I know, God had much much bigger plans.  Plans that would turn my world upside down and shake it like a snow globe for a couple of minutes. 

I know this is getting long, but please finish this one, even if you have to come back later. 

Are there ever defining moments in your life when the stars align and unexpected magical things flutter around you like dandelion fuzz?  Are there ever times when you see a train wreck coming and you don’t want to watch but you cannot make yourself turn your head?  Combine the two … and you will understand the next 15 minutes of Saturday night from my perspective.  As soon as Randy finished speaking, I thought we were leaving to go back to the cabins and whoop out some biscuits on a stick … I was fixin’ to stand up to close in prayer and then … well then, something incredible happened.  Something so unexpected I had never even opened my mind to the possibility that it was even within the relm of possibility.  Richard stood up (for what I thought was to leave the room, how wrong I was).  If you don’t know Richard, he isn’t much of a talker and he certainly isn’t a public speaker.  In all the years we have gone to our church house, never once has he stood up to testify, or even pray aloud (except the one time I forced him to pray after a bible study I was teaching, which in turn caused all of our church family members to avoid me like I had the plaque for fear of what may happen to me, I think Cathy was a bit scared for me)  anyway, he wasn’t standing up to leave.  He was standing up, literally with his hat in his hand, opening his and words were coming out.  If I’m honest, I have to say I was thinking “what in the crap is he fixin’ to say” … and then I saw the tears.  My life as I had known it up until this moment was changing right before my very eyes and the eyes and ears of our teens and other church family.  He began quietly, explaining that he was an alcoholic … from there, he went back to his early teen years when it all began and he explained in precious loving detail, how he had taken so many wrong paths in life and made so many wrong decisions that lead to worse decisions over the continuing years.  He openly talked about the night that he went to jail because of the incident at our house and he wasn’t politically correct like I am being now … it was just pure honesty flowing freely from his lips.  He talked about his love for me and our girls and his regret over hurting us and how blessed he was to still have us … I was a goner by now.  My daughter’s cried tears equivalent to years of hurt flowing out of their hearts.  They have long since forgiven Richard, as have I and many other people, including God, but for someone to publicly admit and own and apologize to you is a precious healing tool.  He shared about prison and how miserable it was, he shared about overcoming an addiction that he had a great affinity for and how some days are still a struggle, but that he has the faith to overcome those enticements.  He spoke directly to the teens about how afraid he was to take on the youth group, feeling like it may be overwhelming for him, but about how he prayed endlessly to be a strong, positive influence in their life and how he was willing to just put his trust and faith in God that this was his plan for our lives.  He talked about the joy of his salvation and how good God is if we seek Him and are faithful to Him.  I must say, I don’t think I have ever loved my husband more in one single 15 minute span of time.  And then, as soon as he said what he needed to say, he sat down, grabbed my hand there we sat, bound together in our marriage, our relationship with God, with our children and with a resolve that God has plans for our marriage, our rolls at church and our rolls as parents.  The last 5 years of my life came full circle in that moment.  I have never been more convinced that mr. preacher man is right of the confession is good for the soul thing. 

After Richard testified, it opened a gate of testimony from my daughters, from other adults and more from Randy.  I will use an old timers term to express it … God showed out, the Holy Spirit broke wide open and hearts were moved.  If you have never experienced a bathing in the sweet sweet spirit of our Lord, then I am sure you are thinking I am nuts about now … if you have, I imagine you are now taking yourself to that very moment in your mind.  I want to shout, I want to be like David and dance and sing before the Lord with thanksgiving … I want to give back so much more of the real me, not the me that does things because I should or I am expected to do them, but the me that craves to be right in the center of every blessing God has planned for my life, my marriage and my witness.  I don’t want to miss out on a thing.  I ask that you pray for my family, my husband in particular … I ask this for one simple reason … I fully believe that the closer you become to God, the more the devil takes notice and tends to throw spiritual warfair your direction.  I ask that you pray a hedge of protection around everything that took place this weekend, that our teens will continue to grow together and run toward God, that my husband continues to seek God’s plan for sharing what needs to be shared with whom it needs to be shared.  That I am the wife and help mate that I was created to be … ever encouraging and helpful to my marriage. 

Thank you for reading so much in one night … I know it’s a lot to take in.  I would also like to encourage you to share your testimony when you feel the time is appropriate, don’t be afraid to let God move in your life … you never know who you may reach.  It could be someone here …

me.

9 Comments on “* still waters run deep …”

  1. cathy

    Glory be to God!!!!! Praying for everyone involved and those who don’t realize their role yet!

  2. Bobbi

    It was truly a beautiful thing to see the way God touched hearts & lives that night. I am very proud of Richard of giving his testimony & for Kevin offering himself, Richard & the rest of the men to the teens if they ever need to talk or anything else that they can call one of them & they are there for them. I can say it is amazing as a wife for us to see how God can truly change our husbands when we all run to him. I wouldn’t trade that experience for anything, stomach virus & all. To God be the Glory great things He hath Done!!!

  3. eric

    Sorry I missed the weekend but I got full from just reading and I am whooping and shouting in my basement. PRAISE THE LORD!

  4. Tammy G

    Oh Melinda what a blessing. The hair on my arms are standing up. What a Blessing. What a God we serve.

  5. Marjorie Markham

    You are so right Melinda. That would have been a Richard I would have not known. He was always polite, but not very talkative unless I was asking him questions. As the tears flowed from my eyes, I could just imagine the moment. I am so proud of him and for all of you to stick through all this. So glad you had a great weekend.

  6. melinda

    i just wanted to take a minute to say thank you to all of you who took time to comment, your encouragment and love mean more than you will ever know. and just so you know, richard read the post, told me it was very long but he was glad i wrote it … he said he felt lucky to have friends nice enough to leave nice comments.

  7. Judy

    I know this was the best weekend for you and your family. I am so proud to know all of you. I know that touched the lives of all those kids. It will leave a blessing on them forever. That is what it takes for kids to see sometimes. God bless all of you.

  8. Kelli Prevatte

    Crying at my desk at work is not what I expected today. Thanks Melinda for sharing yourself with us! God is using you in a might way. I am so glad to call you my friend. Love you soooo much!!

  9. Jodie

    Thank you for sharing such a blessed weekend.

More News