* get off me devil! …
Back a long time ago, mr. preacher man did a series of sermons on spiritual disciplines. I didn’t much like it then and I don’t much like it now, mostly because I completely suck at most of them am not so good at some of them. Tonight, I feel a huge need to utilize one of them much to my chagrin … but sometimes you just gotta lay um down, confess and move along, so, I am going to do just that. You can skip out now and save yourself some much valued time or you can stick around for the dirt on me tonight.
I actually don’t have any really bad dirt to share, what I do have to share is this … Satan is all over me tonight. I think it’s been a building process, like he’s been stopping by my front door and leaving little packages of aggravation, confusion and anger the last few weeks. And then, he started showing up a little more frequently, asking if I wanted to hang out and get dinner or have coffee so we could talk things over, you know, cause he’s so good about offering advice, especially when we have our guard down a bit to begin with. Welp, much to my dismay and his delight, today he showed up with suitcase in hand, apparently ready to take up residence in my heart. I’m fairly certain that he used my current attitude to unlock and swing the door wide open and nestled right on up to my burning fireplace of being a complete (insert bad word) butthead today. I have managed to hurt both Chrisi and Anna’s feelings, sent Richard a hateful text (I mean cause why should he not want to talk to me for an hour on the phone after he got up at 5 am, drove 3 hours to work and worked 14 hours, selfish man) and kicked my dog. Ok, I didn’t really kick the dog, but I thought about it.
I keep going back to a quote I once read in a book The Same Kind of Different As Me, it says “The more precious you become to God, the more important you become to the Devil”. I must be one more precious soul as of late. To be honest, I’m sure that during the last month, I have probably spent more time in prayer than at any other time in my life. I’m not sure if that’s just because I have, hopefully, matured spiritually, if it’s simply because I feel a great need to be on my knees about things concerning our church, if I feel discombobulated because I have a huge dislike of people moving my cheese or most likely a combination of all of the above. Either way, I seriously think, the devil is a little miffed that I have moved beyond my normal – daily obligatory prayer life – and I am really not enjoying his presence in my life at all. nada. zero. none.
I don’t know if any of the rest of you ever feel this way or not, I truly hope I am not alone, cause then I would feel like a realy putz. I just keep telling myself “self, it’s all going to work out, God has a plan, you just have to have faith that His plan is good” I just want that plan to be revealed to me yesterday and when it isn’t, I tend to try to be in control instead of letting God be in control. I think it goes back to my whole control freak nature thing that our marriage counselor once mentioned, I just kind of skipped right over his comment and told him we were there to fix Richard, not me, mmkay. Sorry, I got a bit off subject there. Lets just suffice it to say, I’m not patient, I don’t like not being in control of everything around me and this whole day has been the complete opposite of me being in control of anything, other than my sorry attitude.
I guess while I’m confessing, I will just step on up and do something I’ve never done in 2 years of blogging … I am going to end this post with a prayer, simply because it just seems like the right thing to do this minute and if I don’t, then I’m not following my heart.
Dear Father in Heaven,
I fully realize I am not the only person on this earth that is struggling today. In fact, my struggles are infinitely smaller than a majority of people who may read this. I am so grateful for all of the good in my life, I am so thankful for my husband, my children, my family, my church family and my friends. To say I have been blessed would be the understatement of the decade. Lord, I just ask that you bring my focus back to you and all of my many many blessings, instead of my focus being on all of the negativity that I have selfishly allowed in to my heart and mind today. Lord, I ask your forgiveness for my hateful words today. Dear Lord, I ask that you surround me with the knowledge and comfort to know that your plan is the right plan and grant me the faith to fully live and believe in that knowledge. Dear God, I ask that you bless those around me, physically and who may have happened upon this post today, with your tender mercies in what ever areas they me struggling with today. In your holy name I pray …