Hi! Y’all know Cathy is my best bud … right? Well, she may not be volunteering for that position much longer after my most recent “Not Me Monday” post.  So since this is her page, I thought I would insert an application for any of you idiots really great folks who may want to apply for the daunting task of being my new bff if she dumps me.  Let me tell you what her duties include:

#1. you have to make me my very own special bowl of potato salad to set aside from the regular potato salad you just spent 3 hours making.

#2. you have to support my cream cheese, krispy kreme & sundrop addictions.

#3. you have to be able to tell me to shut up or go to the devil all the while making me smile but still be a little bit afraid of you all at the same time.

#4. if you are married, I have to love your husband as much as I love me some Jimmy Brown.

#5. I get to beat your children any time they may need it whether you are around or not.  You are bound to beat mine under the same terms … plus you have to moniter what they leave my house, camper or hotel room in for the day.

#6. you must be far more organized than me (which should not take much effort on your part) and not mind that I am as unorganized as a group of  3 year olds in a candy store.

#7. you must have at least one freakish reptile at your house for me to make fun of and tick you off.

#8. you must be willing to sacrifice your evening to go to political functions with me & hold my hand & squeeze it tightly when you sense I am about to open my big fat mouth and make an idiot of myself or manage to get someone unelected.

#9. you must be willing to drop whatever you are doing and come comfort & console me in my times of need … which I should tell you occur on a regular basis.  This may also include you cleaning out refrigerators or underneath beds.

Please fill out the application below cause I know y’all just can’t wait to volunteer to take her place!

* your name ___________________

* your IQ level _________________

* why you feel the need to be punished ___________________________________

me.